Friday, January 27, 2006
Texas blues
FT. HOOD, TEXAS - Sometimes, I'm shocked our military made it to Baghdad and didn't mistakenly end up in Boston. On a day to day basis, it seems nothing works with the military and everyone smiles and gives you the cliche, "Well, you know what they say, 'Hurry up and wait,'" as if that makes everything better.
My conversation with a National Guard official before leaving for Texas to cover Idaho National Guard soldiers training to deploy to Afghanistan went something like this:
Me: "Do you think you could get me numbers on which Idaho Guard units have deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq and when and could I start talking to troops the night we get to Texas since we only have two days?"
Official: "That will be no problem."
It was a problem.
After getting off the plane, we were whisked to our hotels where we were told we would be getting dinner in an hour. When I mentioned my request for troop interview the official said she had no idea where the troops were staying and that I would have to wait until the next day. I asked for the numbers I had requested. She didn't have them either. Then I made what I thought was a simple request: I had to file my story before we got back on the plane to meet deadline. This puzzled her (we'll see how that goes today).
Even the military vending machines don't work. My good 'ol American dollar bills and coins, which these folks have fought to protect, were powerless to bring me the spoils of war I desired: Keebler soft batch chocolate chip cookies.
About the only thing that did work was the C-130 we rode to get here, and it was a good thing because we left Boise in a heavy snow storm.
Well, it's not even 7a.m. and I'm grumpy and now I'm heading out to talk to troops, which is a much sunnier prospect than the day o' officials that was yesterday.
My conversation with a National Guard official before leaving for Texas to cover Idaho National Guard soldiers training to deploy to Afghanistan went something like this:
Me: "Do you think you could get me numbers on which Idaho Guard units have deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq and when and could I start talking to troops the night we get to Texas since we only have two days?"
Official: "That will be no problem."
It was a problem.
After getting off the plane, we were whisked to our hotels where we were told we would be getting dinner in an hour. When I mentioned my request for troop interview the official said she had no idea where the troops were staying and that I would have to wait until the next day. I asked for the numbers I had requested. She didn't have them either. Then I made what I thought was a simple request: I had to file my story before we got back on the plane to meet deadline. This puzzled her (we'll see how that goes today).
Even the military vending machines don't work. My good 'ol American dollar bills and coins, which these folks have fought to protect, were powerless to bring me the spoils of war I desired: Keebler soft batch chocolate chip cookies.
About the only thing that did work was the C-130 we rode to get here, and it was a good thing because we left Boise in a heavy snow storm.
Well, it's not even 7a.m. and I'm grumpy and now I'm heading out to talk to troops, which is a much sunnier prospect than the day o' officials that was yesterday.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
If only the folks in Kashmir knew about the Hindu Koran
From the Best Things Never Published files: a gem from a recent interview in which a guy with a doctorate in religion was explaining why the Bible should be taught in public schools:
Druz: So, what about children of other faiths?
Bible Guy: That's a good question. You know, many religions are based on the Bible. Protestantism, Mormonism, Judaism, Catholicism, Baptist.
Druz: Right, but that's just Christianity and Judaism, what about children who practice other religions.
BG: OK, throw one out there.
Druz: What about a Hindu student?
BG: Well, actually, the Koran is also based on the Bible.
Druz: So, what about children of other faiths?
Bible Guy: That's a good question. You know, many religions are based on the Bible. Protestantism, Mormonism, Judaism, Catholicism, Baptist.
Druz: Right, but that's just Christianity and Judaism, what about children who practice other religions.
BG: OK, throw one out there.
Druz: What about a Hindu student?
BG: Well, actually, the Koran is also based on the Bible.
Deep in the heart of Texas
As I've said before, my status as a famous Idaho journalist means the Gov. Dirk Kempthorne and I are famous friends (I call him D-money, he calls me H-Bomb). We get beers, talk about football, cars, life.
Because of our great friendship, the Guv personally invited me to fly with him to Ft. Hood, Texas, to hang out with some Idaho Air National Guardsmen before they head to Afghanistan (as you can tell, it's not your father's Air Guard - or at least not Jenna and Barbara's father's Air Guard). Of course, he also invited eight other reporters from around the state and I suppose he didn't invite me so much as The Statesman but I think the personal invitation was implicit - and I call shotgun.
So yeah, it's just going to be me and D-money, and eight other hacks who don't much matter, rumbling and shuddering our way in a C-130 military transport plane down to Texas Hill Country tomorrow, laughing all the way.
Because of our great friendship, the Guv personally invited me to fly with him to Ft. Hood, Texas, to hang out with some Idaho Air National Guardsmen before they head to Afghanistan (as you can tell, it's not your father's Air Guard - or at least not Jenna and Barbara's father's Air Guard). Of course, he also invited eight other reporters from around the state and I suppose he didn't invite me so much as The Statesman but I think the personal invitation was implicit - and I call shotgun.
So yeah, it's just going to be me and D-money, and eight other hacks who don't much matter, rumbling and shuddering our way in a C-130 military transport plane down to Texas Hill Country tomorrow, laughing all the way.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
I'm from Vermont and I piss where I want
It's another terrible day in the Grand Tetons. Sitting by the fire in a lodge at the base of Grand Targhee ski resort in western Wyoming after riding a foot of fresh snow all day I can't help thinking what a shitty time I'm having and how much I would prefer being at work.
After two winters in Louisiana, the third flattest state in the country, I've been a little starved for snowboarding. So when I saw a cat-skiing special at Grand Targhee, a mountain with a reputation for some of the best powder in the country, I jumped at it and invited some friends. For $300 bucks we got three nights ski-in-ski-out lodging, three days of boarding on the mountain and one day of backcountry boarding on a snow cat (the monstrous tracked vehicles that groom the slopes for my winter-averse readers).
The past three ridiculously hedonistic days have made me wonder if we survived the drive over - it's been nothing but deep powder, free booze and hot-tubbing. Yesterday was one of the most over-the-top days in memory. We hopped on the cat around 9 a.m. and spent the next three hours following guides who took us to untracked powder and great tree runs. And our guides definitely had their priorities straight. When I asked Dana, a mustached ski patrol veteran of 30 years, if I had time to pee, he said I could either pee or take a run. "There's plenty of trees where we're going," he said. "I always say, 'I'm from Vermont and I piss where I want.'"
After a coffee break and a hot lunch in a yurt, we headed out for three more hours of the same. At the end of the day the guides rolled out wine and cheese and, as my friend and I were the only people drinking red wine, we ended up splitting the bottle. When we got back to our room there was a phone message alerting us to a wine and cheese welcome reception in the lobby and who were we to refuse? Several glasses and a hot tub later we ambled over to dinner. We had brought a few bottles of wine with us so I asked the waiter about the corkage fee. "If you're nice, none," he said. So the six of us polished off another couple bottles and by the time dinner came the collective BAC of our table was about 5000. It made getting up for the first ride on the lift this morning unpleasant but it certainly made the night a fun blur.
Well, it's nearly my bedtime because it's still snowing and I've gotta get up early for another day of bottomless snow. Have fun at work tomorrow!
After two winters in Louisiana, the third flattest state in the country, I've been a little starved for snowboarding. So when I saw a cat-skiing special at Grand Targhee, a mountain with a reputation for some of the best powder in the country, I jumped at it and invited some friends. For $300 bucks we got three nights ski-in-ski-out lodging, three days of boarding on the mountain and one day of backcountry boarding on a snow cat (the monstrous tracked vehicles that groom the slopes for my winter-averse readers).
The past three ridiculously hedonistic days have made me wonder if we survived the drive over - it's been nothing but deep powder, free booze and hot-tubbing. Yesterday was one of the most over-the-top days in memory. We hopped on the cat around 9 a.m. and spent the next three hours following guides who took us to untracked powder and great tree runs. And our guides definitely had their priorities straight. When I asked Dana, a mustached ski patrol veteran of 30 years, if I had time to pee, he said I could either pee or take a run. "There's plenty of trees where we're going," he said. "I always say, 'I'm from Vermont and I piss where I want.'"
After a coffee break and a hot lunch in a yurt, we headed out for three more hours of the same. At the end of the day the guides rolled out wine and cheese and, as my friend and I were the only people drinking red wine, we ended up splitting the bottle. When we got back to our room there was a phone message alerting us to a wine and cheese welcome reception in the lobby and who were we to refuse? Several glasses and a hot tub later we ambled over to dinner. We had brought a few bottles of wine with us so I asked the waiter about the corkage fee. "If you're nice, none," he said. So the six of us polished off another couple bottles and by the time dinner came the collective BAC of our table was about 5000. It made getting up for the first ride on the lift this morning unpleasant but it certainly made the night a fun blur.
Well, it's nearly my bedtime because it's still snowing and I've gotta get up early for another day of bottomless snow. Have fun at work tomorrow!
